Zoe Knox (left) and Amanda Jetté Knox, who have been married for 18 years, spoke at Loyalist College this week about their experiences as a family in which both Zoe and their daughter, Alexis, are LGBTQ+. Photo by Evan Doherty, QNet News
By Evan Doherty [1]
BELLEVILLE – Loyalist College [2]‘s Alumni Hall was filled with rainbows Tuesday night as Ottawa author and activist Amanda Jetté Knox and her partner, Zoe, spoke about their experiences as an LGBTQ+ family.
Jetté Knox has two transgender family members: Zoe and the couple’s daughter, Alexis. She told the audience that her family was what you would call typical six years ago. Her 2019 book, Love Lives Here [3], is the story of their journey.
In the presentation at Loyalist Tuesday evening, Amanda Jetté Knox (left) talked about how her daughter, Alexis (right), came out as transgender. Photo by Evan Doherty, QNet News
“In 2014 if you had asked me to tell you about my family, I would have told you that we were a mom and a dad and three boys, because that’s what the world saw. That’s what I saw. But that’s not what it was,” Jetté Knox said.
Things changed that year when the middle son – Alexis, then 11 – told her parents via an email sent from her bedroom that she was actually a girl.
Both parents came to her side immediately to support her.
“We both came into her room and hugged her, saying ‘I love you’ over and over again. We said, ‘We don’t care if you are a boy or a girl,’ ” Jetté Knox said.
About a year later, while she and Zoe were driving, she noticed that Zoe didn’t look well and she began asking her questions, she said: ” ‘Are you not happy with me?’ The answer is: ‘No, no, you’re great.’ ‘Is it the kids … and the job? Maybe you wanted to go mountain climbing and we can’t go do that with the kids?’ He said, ‘That’s not it. I love you and the kids.’ ”
That’s when she got to the harder questions.
“Are you gay?”
He said no.
“Are you a woman?”
There was silence. They kept driving instead of going home, ending up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. That’s when Zoe told her that she had always felt more like a woman than a man.
Jetté Knox said she wasn’t shocked, but was taken aback at the thought of having the same thing happen twice in her family.
They told their kids close to Christmastime that year.
“We brought our kids into the living room and told them that I was a woman,” Zoe Knox said. “My two sons cried because they saw it at first as a loss of a parent. My daughter cried tears of joy because she was so happy that I was finally able to be myself.”
Since then they have become activists for the LGBTQ+ community. Both women are active online and said that they can be reached out to [4]. They speak at events and try to share their story whenever they can.
Zoe Knox said her activism is different from her partner’s.
“I’m more of a quiet activist, while Amanda is more vocal. Sometimes I come along to her presentations to be the living example of someone who overcame obstacles to live as my true self,” she said.
Speaking about Alexis’s journey, Jetté Knox said a transgender child needs to be loved like any other child.
“If you are supportive, use the right names and pronouns and give your child the support they need, they will thrive,” she said.
Jetté Knox has been writing a blog [5] about her family for years. Shortly after the beginning of her daughter’s transition, she was going to stop the blog as a way to protect Alexis from cruel online comments. But her daughter told her she wanted her to keep blogging to tell the story of her transition.
“She really wanted me to keep talking. We really fought each other on it, but she thought it was really important. You know, it’s her story too. It’s her life … Once the genie is out of the bottle, it can’t be put back in.”
Zoe Knox said that the blog has resulted in people reaching out and sharing their own experiences.
“The good thing is that you get to reach people,” she said. “Our story’s been around the globe. I’ve heard from people on every continent except Antarctica.”
Tuesday’s event was organized by Loyalist College’s child and youth care program in partnership with Rainbow Youth OUTreach Quinte [6] and Rainbow Caregivers Network [7].